Dear FutureMe,
I am now sitting in my desk in Biologique Recherche in such a sunny day in Suresnes with Luc in front of me in not a very good mood for today. This is the first day of my second month doing internship here. At one point, I wish to finish this internship soon, means I want time to fly to beginning of July. On the other side, if time flies, I might miss it because it means closer to go back to Indonesia. I know I will return to Indonesia before the end of September. This is what I want, to restart my career and be with the people I love there. But somehow I have this feeling that hold me to be here a little bit longer, because I know, once I am back there, there might come a time when I will miss my life here and as wise man says, time will never come back.
I enjoy my time here, a lot. I go to work from Monday to Friday, squeeze myself into the Metro, then come back home, cook at night, and talk with some friends, then read a book or watch a movie before going to bed. Same routine everyday 'til Saturady comes and I do the weekly shopping in LIDL or Leader Price or Carrefour, then meet Sanja and Levce or do something else. Then I go to church on Sunday. Yesterday i went to Notre Dame for Sunday mass. I was smilling to myself because the last time I was there, I was a real tourist, taking picture and looking at the architecture. But now I am going there, not even haing time to enjoy the architecture because I was late for the mass. I saw many tourists and I felt that how fast time has flown and now I am at a different point from several months ago.
Lately, I have been realizing that I no longer want to say 'I hope time will fly'. I realize that it's not about the time in the future that I should care about. It's about the time right now. I might not be able to remember all the things I see, all the people I meet, all the impression I have, but I want to at least remember the feelings I have during that time.
Sometimes I wish I won't forget every single detail I have in my life. But if it happens, then I will also remember all the bad days I have, and it might not be too fascinating.
So future me, I don't know where life will bring me after Paris, after this master study, after returning back home, after meeting my family, my friends who I love there. A year from now, where do you think i will be? Will I already settle down? Will I already meet someone special? Will I already fed up with the traffic in Jakarta?
I guess I will, especially the last one. So when that time arrives, thie email will remind me why I am there and not in paris, why I take that decision instead of working in Paris for the sake of money.
The whole journey in France is really a precious experience for me. It's no longer about 'being so cool to do master abroad, and have weekend gateaway in Paris or Germany or Italy, etc.' It's teaching me what is important in life. This is really showing me what I want for my life, not only for career, but more for my entire life, family, sisterhood, brother, friends, best friends, old friends, career, new family, relationship with God, be a better person, respect things and people more than I used to, and the most important one, to see how blessed I am to be who I am now. Wise man said, 'look down and you'll realize how lucky you are'. Yes, I did look down. Seeing people on the street begging for money, sleeping in the Metro station in these cold weather, hugging dogs while begging in order to get warm, getting drunk on Monday afternoon like you have nothing else to do.
I wish I could say that i have nothing to ask more from God, but in fact, I always have things I ask from Him. I wish health and happiness for my big family, I wish peace in our hearts, I wish to meet someone special in my life. En plus, I wish to always be happy for who I am now.
Okay, It's time for lunch now. I have spagetti with lardon and taboulé for lunch and yaout for dessert.
What is my lunch a year from now? --> I had rice with fish in Thai sauce
hugs,
happy me from last year
