wings

- someday you'll wake up and your house will be clean, but your babies will all be grown up by their own - annonymous

Tonight I listened to a song titled 'Andaikan aku punya sayap' . This is not a new song for Indonesian children like me, but tonight, after years of not listening to this song, I feel that this song is really touching. Supported by the nice voice of the singer, the song stays in my mind for the whole night and I start to miss my home, mom and dad.

I talked to my mom and dad this afternoon, and I always feel a lot stronger after talking with them. Well, I can't call them everyday, since it costs me a lot, but I try to call them at least once a week. Not only to make myself stronger, but because I experience the bad feeling of worrying somebody, so I don't want them to have that feeling because of me.

Today is the 6th month of myself staying in this city. I get used to everything, I have friends, I have activities, I have things to do everyday and I get used to being flexible to the condition. I like to plan, trips, school, to-do-list, places to go, etc. unfortunately, I can't do that here, because everything is so absurd. At the moment, I don't know where I will be by the end of May after the exams, I don't know whether I will stay in the residence during summer or move to the apartment in the city center with my 2 macedonian friends, where I will do my internship, when I'll be home for my sister's wedding, what is the schedule for the exams, etc. My french professor said the other day 'People in Europe, they don't plan their life, just go with the flow'. It's so difficult to think like Europeans, but I am trying now, otherwise I'll be the only one getting stressed because of this unplanned life.

Above all those things running in my mind, I had a very nice night walk in Orléans after celebrating Florina's bday. It was freezingly cold, but I really love that moment. It's something I always love about being in France, night walking, cold weather, thick jacket, boots and feeling save.

Cathédrale Ste-Croix, Orléans

je te manques, kir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g9T1dfK67y4

back to classes

break is about to end in one hour. ohhhh...what I've been doing for 9 days ? Feels like I've done nothing and wasted too much time sleeping. The good thing, I managed to finish my Contemporary to France paper – 95%. I always end up writing too much for my paper, which means when I do review the paper, I have to delete most of the words. So I'm not only bad at time management, but also at counting words while writing.

Suddenly, I felt so lonely, like I'm supposed to plan something for my life, so I have target to achieve, not really something big, but at least, something I am waiting for, like Easter holiday, or May, or anything that can make days run faster. I don't complain, maybe I am just being in the middle of the road, question my choice in life. I talked with Z** in the afternoon, and it helps me feel better. He is nice, as always, and I feel really blessed to have friends in Jakarta, people I feel very comfortable to talk with. And with him,  the conversation must be about something silly but fun. =D *gonna see him in September and I deserve a treat from him cause by Sept he'll be a bachelor degree.

March is now on, and I know this is gonna be a very hectic month for me, with 2 additional classes and many other classes require serious attention before the exam in April and May. Let's not think about it too much. I have this nice word quoted from twitter 

You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough. Believe it and never let insecurity run your life. 

I am waiting for good response for my internship in end of spring to summer. Really hope the positive answer. *fingers crossed !

vacances d'hiver

Everyday I create my memory. Tonight is another night I feel pretty melancholic. I've just finished the study for tonight. I feel like I've tried so hard to understand the lesson, but it's not even enough. I want to give my best for every steps I am in, not to show it off to other people, but simply to not regret it in the future. 

Being here means living my dream, something I've been dreaming for a very long time. Sometimes I don't feel like it's real, but thanks God, it's definitely real. Well, the different thing is, in my dream, everything seems easy and goes smoothly, while in fact, obstacles are everywhere.

Tonight is another night I do not want to forget. Why ? Because I feel that the study is so difficult and I am tired of studying. But it's not the end yet. It's just another big rough rock I have to climb. I have a scene in my head that when I 've graduated from this study, or next 5 years, or next 10 years, I will remember all the hardwork I do at the moment, and I'll be smiling by that time. Badai pasti berlalu. #beingastudent