destiny

I've just seen the wedding video of one of my best friends in junior 'till high school, Lia and Mkel.  We may not talk a lot for the last several years, but I do still feel she'll always be my best friend. I believe, when we feel deep inside our heart that someone is our friend, then she/he will always be our friend, no matter what.  

destiny

So, on June 8, 2013, it was their wedding day. I knew both of them since we're in junior high school, it was more than 10 years ago, and they've been together since then.  When I saw the video, I could not be any happier for them. When I heard Lia's voice saying the vow, I was really smilling in front of my computer. I feel like "it's really my best friend there, it's been such a long time I haven't heard her voice", and now she's saying the vow, starting her new life with her soulmate in life.  I am so very extremely happy for both of them. 

At the same time, I have these mixed feelings, between sad, lonely, missing something, questioning myself how could I miss my best friends' once in a lifetime weddings, why I am here and not there, and the most of it, how could I survive while missing all these beautiful moments of the people I love.  So far, I've missed Tia & Peppe's wed due to that stupid Business English exam by Mr. Casque (will never ever forget him placing the exam on the last day before Christmas holiday on my first year).  I also missed Wawa's wed cause at that time I had to do my visa stuff in Jakarta. I missed Tika & Vico's wedding cause I am here.  Maybe it looks like I am creating excuses while actually I could make it, but I really don't. It's not just about weds, but like my brother's birthday, my bestfriends' bday, family gatherings, etc.  Okay, I don't have that much events in life to celebrate, but somehow, since I am here, I do value these moments more than I've ever did. 

There are times when I question myself WHY I am here, and miss all the moments?  I could not find the best answer for that yet, but at least I have accepted it.  I don't regret my decision, but I realize that I don't want to live so far away from home and miss a lot more moments in life. 

One thing I really learn by being here, I value my life more than ever, I value my family and I know I really love them, I value the people around me, I value every journey in my life, I value my best friends who are still texting me for sharing stories and any random discussion, I value every people inviting me for hanging around (that sometimes I used to be so lazy to do so), I value people contacting me just to say hello, I value many things that I'd never realized before. I really thank God for letting me realize all of these by myself right now, neither in the past nor in the future, but just at this moment. 

I have this 8yo picture with me in my room here. 

ps: people said I was too busy when I was in Jakarta, but I was fine about being busy. Now I understand why I shouldn't be that busy, because there are many things in life I might miss if I only care about my schedule. =)