do you think time flies?

Bonsoir,

Ce soir est la dernière nuit de rester chez le 310. J’ai déjà dit au revoir a mes voisins, Loubna, Reda et Rafiou. On a veçu dans la résidence pendant 10 mois, et je eux aime bien. Ils sont mes mieux voisins depuis le 17 septembre 2012. C’est difficile de dire au revoir à eux car je ne sais pas quand nous nous allons rencontre en future. J’espère tout va bien pour eux, bonne continuation, bonne vacances et bon ramadan aussi.

Dans cette chambre, j’ai bcp des souvenirs, de bonne heure et de triste. Quand j’ai arrivé, je me suis choqué car la chambre est différente que dans la vidéo que j’ai regardé sur ligne avant d’arriver. En plus, j’ai peur car c’était vraiment la première fois j’ai habité seul, nouvelle vie, nouvelle pays, nouvelle chambre, nouveaux voisins, nouveaux amis, nouvelle langue, etc. Mais, en fin je l’aime bien, la place privée de moi, ou j’ai passé l’automne, l’hiver, le printemps jusqu'à l’été. Il y a le lit ou je regarde bcp des films, le table ou j’étude et les lumières que je n’aime pas. Les me manquent.

Aujourd’hui est le dernier jour du stage au l'IUFM CVL. Je suis contente de le faire là et j’ai d’expérience et d’imagination du travail au bureau relations internationales. Nina, ma supervisera, est très gentille aussi, elle m’aide bcp. Je n’oublie pas Iwona, Sylvie, Valérie, Florian, Nubile, Olivier et bien sur la phrase « tu peux un petit café ? »

Alors, tout le monde est en train de boucher au prochain chapitre de sa vie, et moi aussi.

He takes care of me

I was so excited about what's going to happen in July. I even had published my whole month schedule, something I rarely do in my entire life. I normally don't tell people about my exact plan until the very last minute or at least when everything is really well-planned. But the last time I did write it on my blog, and unfortunately, my plans didn't go well. =(

I went to la préfecture last Friday. I have been always nervous to go through all administrative process ever since I take care of it myself. Especially in France, because as once they say NO, it will really affect my day and my entire plan. So last Friday, as you can predict, they said no because they required another document from the University. So basically because my visa will expire by beginning of September, they apply different requirement with those expire in August. What an annoying reason. I tried to argue, but the lady kept on saying 'je dois respecter la loi'. So I went out from the office and if you saw my face, I was about to scream at anybody who disturbed me on my way home.

On Friday and Saturday I was still so mad at what has happened. However, on Sunday, I had felt much better after going to the church. Suddenly I re-think about the obstacle I have and how I respond to it. I remember the word from Taizé "Being worry won't change anything. God knows everything and He will take care of it". I am not a really religious person. I do believe in God and I do believe that He takes care of me, really. That's why I suddenly feel that "If I do believe that He takes care of me, why do I worry this much?"

Voila, I realize that I still cannot let go the worries in my life. I am learning to let it go and I am not successful yet. However, I am willing to be better. Everytime I have problems, I keep on remembering that I had passed the worst moment, when my brother was in the hospital, and nothing else can be worse than that. So at the moment, I am still having that worries feeling deep inside my heart, but I am trying to keep myself busy and not overthink about what might/could/would happen.

This song also helps me to remind myself that I shouldn't worry about things that won't happen to me.
Living in the moment - Jason Mraz
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUFs_1vKYlY

half way to go...

...with them,accomplish one of my dreams - master 2nd year.
ps: and much more interesting friends in the class.

pict taken on 27 Oct 2012

a reminder for myself

So this has been my fourth day of doing nothing in the office. what I mean by nothing is really nothing. 

I don't pretend to be busy anymore. I use my mobile all the time eventhough my spv is right next to me. I have been asking for more than 10 times, "t'as besoin d'aider?' which means 'do you need help', and also the second most frequent word is 'si t'as besoin d'aider, tu m'as dire, stp' which means 'If you need help, please let me know'. 

I keep on offering help and she says no. She is not that busy, and eventhough she has work to do, it's not something I can help. So here I am, end up writing for my blog in the middle of the working hour. 

I still have another week to go for the internship and I do not know what I will do during my last week.  If we think about work-efficiency, it's better for me to be home, start packing my stuff, arranging my trips, etc., but once again, this is a full-time internship for 2 months, so I have to be here, till next week. 

I am fine of having no job at all in the office. it's boring but that's still fine, I can manage it. It's just so funny for me. I can be in some other part of the country and do a lot rather than being here in front of the computer and read all the news available, from the strikes in Egypt to the Indonesian singer who gets early-marriage due to 'who knows what'.  Silly? definitely. What can I do? I have done every simple un-important things I do not really need to do.

I deleted old emails, I read articles, I scanned all papers from school, I browsed news about make up, skin care, girls' stuff, etc., I read people's blogs, I checked currency as a preparation for my next 1.5-month trip, I texted my friend, I drank coffee every hour, I though about dinner tonight, what movies I will watch, menus for picnic this Sunday, filled in my sister's wedding plan lists from her WO and so on.

ahh, I also read about culinary in my home town, Lampung, in which I have visited all of them. But I found it very interesting to read it from visitor's point of view. I read about their travelling to Lampung, and it's surprising. They wrote about the long trip by car and ferry, about the view while they're in the Ferry, and about the city. I have lived in that city since I was born 'til I temporarily left for University in 2006.  I have been going back and forth with that Ferry, through all the 5-hour journey with the car for , hufh lemme think, more than 100 times? Plus another 20s times with the airplane.  When I read how they describe about how beautiful the view was, how interesting being in the Ferry and enjoy the Krakatau Volacono, I suddenly realize that I don't even remember when did the last time I enjoy the view while being in the Ferry.  

When I read their writings, it's really different. I feel like 'how could my regular trip becomes someone's special trip and sounds that interesting?' 

2009, at Krakatoa - Lampung with Rian & P.di

I found my answer "APPRECIATE".  When something or someone or some places have been becoming your daily-to-do, daily-to-meet, daily-to-go ones, we, or especially me, start to not appreciating them.  A small example, I used to be so in love with the chocolate mousse since I arrived in France 10 months ago, but now it's not that special anymore, I am  not bored with the taste, but it's just not that special as the first times. That's a simple case and that won't make any (even small) deal to your life. But It makes me realize that actually there must be a time (in the future) when my mind will start making something be less appreciated. 

How if this happens to my life, when I start not appreciating the people I meet everyday, to whom I actually have a good conversation with, the office where I work, which is nice and very comfy, the walking I have everyday, with the beautiful weather and nice people saying 'bonjour', like this morning, an old guy smiled to me nicely and said 'bonjour'. 

I am not trying to make a good reflection of how I should appreciate life nor why I should do so. It's simply a note that I will re-read in the future when I start not appreciating people, places, things, routines around me. A reminder for myself.  When (in any time) I start to complain about people around me, about the office, about the boring routines, etc.etc.etc, I should try to see it from different point of view, and it will turn out to be so much more valuable and interesting, just like reading the stories of those visitors of my home town.

what's in mind for July

I am super excited to welcome July. I remembered the last time when I was so bored, I made one of the password of my accounts 'wishing for July to come'. haha..and Voilà! now I am in July.

So far here is my plan:
July 1: farewell lunch of the director

July 3: discuss with Rian for August trip

July 5: RDV for stay permit for another year in France (hope things go well with this) *fingers crossed

July 6: go to Sanja and Levce's apartment

July 7: send all my stuff to all around the city

July 11: send my big luggage to somewhere I don't know yet

July 12: presentation day for the internship report + walk out from my lovely room at 310, I have been so close with this lovely yellowish room. =(

July 13: stay at somebody's house (don't know yet who's gonna host me) and state "half way to go" in my FB account --> as I will officially finish my first year that day =)

July 14 - 16: off to Paris and see my 2 lovely ex-bosses

July 16 - 18: off to Lyon

July 19: accomplish another dream.  Can't tell you now, cos I am so afraid that as people say, better not to talk before it happens to avoid any unwanted obstacles to appear on the way.  I've been waiting for this for 5 years. have faith and yes dreams do come true.

July 19...

welcome another month

...- August 21: gonna be so sad to leave my dream place

Aug 21: off to Budapest

Aug 24: hello Vienna!

Aug 25: blink to Czech!

Aug 27: Paris - Orléans

Aug 28: watching movies while waiting for my flight plus smiling all the way there

Aug 29: Shopping at HK

Aug 29: Senang berjumpa kembali, Jakarta!

People may plan but let God do the rest. I do believe He always supports me and He accompanies me wherever I am going.

ps: I was so nervous to tell my mom that I'll be moving around by myself for around 7 weeks.  I don't want to tell her the entire plan because it's kinda crazy and make her worried about me is the last thing I want at the moment. BUT, it was so surprising that she didn't even ask where I'm going to stay, what will I do there, etc. She accepts all my plan without any 'wejangan'. Haha suddenly I feel that it's weird and I'm afraid.

There was a time when I really want to be able to decide everything by myself. I remembered asking my father 'Why should it be different between being your daughter and being your son?' My brother could went out 'til midnight while for me, at 11, he would definitely called and asked where I was and when I would be home. He has never been mad eventhough I was home at midnight, and I didn't lie too about what I was doing.  But at that time I was thinking, why should it be different? I am 5 years older than my brother but why did he call me instead of my brother?
I've never thought about that question anymore until yesterday. Now I am free to do whatever I want and they do trust me. Unfortunately, as I grow older, I understand better what it means to take the decision myself without discussing it with them. It simply means no back up anymore. =l

1er juillet

Voilà ! Je finirai le stage pendant 2 semaines! Je suis en train d’écrire mon rapport.  Je n’écris pas bcp et j’éspere c’est bien comme ça. Je dois finir le rapport cette semaine parce que il reste juste une semaine plus. Et je devrai emballer mes vêtements, mes sacs, mes libres, et tous.  J’ai bcp de choses je n’ai pas nécessaire ici.  Je sais je ne suis pas un voyageur pratique, mais je suis en train d’apprendre ici. =)

Aujourd’hui, c’était un jour spécial dans l’office.  Le directeur de l’office est retrait donc tout le monde était ensemble pour écouter et dire ‘au-revoir’ à lui.  C’était très chaud pendant midi, et a resté à l’extérieur.  Pour ils c’était bien parce qu’ils peuvent être bronzes, mais pour moi, je me suis foncée.  Et le déjeuner était vraiment français.  On a resté 3.5 heures pour le déjeuner. Hulala, c’était très longue.

Quand j’étais là, j’ai peur. C’était la première fois je suis avec plus ou moins 80 peuples qui parlent seulement française.  J’ai peur si je n’ai pas compris la conversation, et si tout le monde a parlé dans le même temps, et si j’étais seul là.  Oui, vraiment j’ai peur.

On fait je crois que je suis mieux maintenant qu’avant.  Je comprends mieux, je parle un peu plus, et j’ai plus de confiance d’être seul entre les françaises.  Voilà, je suis en train d’apprendre, encore…