being 24 for the last time

In couple of hours I am moving on from 24 to 25. So I dedicate few hours left to remember what I have been through for a whole year of being 24. I crossed some points from my dream list already!

- have my French laptop

- see snow for the first time (incl. having my boots (now I have 3) and coats for the first time)

- pass by in Riyadh and Jeddah (so happy I did this)

- start my blog

- know the smell of canabis (and I hate it)

- visit my best friend in Sicily and be with her during her pregnancy

- survive in France (with its vicious-circle paperwork)

- finish my first year of Master

- do my internship in France

- speak French (not that good yet)

- in love with Vienna (and definitely will return there)

- within France, I love Lyon the most

- back to my little heaven (after 4 years of dreaming, praying, hoping and wishing on every bday)

- hitch hiking

- celebrate my sisters' wedding (two in a year)

- spend time with my mom and dad (for real)

- sleep in my bedroom in hometown again after years

- meet my old schoolmate (we haven't seen each other for 7 years)

- celebrate Kir's wedding (we're best friend since we're 13)

- gather with the 'destiny' girls

- go to Hongkong and meet my Tz friends from 4 years ago

- get used to travelling for long hours

- chatting with my mom (she is so into technology now!)

- travel to places I'd never thought I would ever go

- ...

The three best of all, first, I understand myself better than a year ago. I start to have some clues of what I want for my life. There were many times that I had to decide things by myself, and I did it even with a huge hesitation everytime I have to do it. I used to be in the middle of the road. Well, I am still there, but I have a better me who is ready to face it. 

Second, i know who my real friends are. I don't bother meeting people just for a sake of networking. I meet the people I talk with wherever I am during the good and bad times.

And the most important part, I understand, realize, feel, respect the time of being with my family and be part of them, for real.  This is something I appreciate the most.

I thank You, God, for being the one realizing and teahing me all of these during my 24 yo. I am fully blessed for being who I am. I do complain, I do feel sad, I do feel annoyed, I do feel lonely but I do feel happy and excited about my life. Okay, being 25 is not young anymore, with more expectations from other, more responsibility, more decision to make plus I should start with my anti-aging cream already, but I will enjoy it.

happy birthday to me, soon!

Some wishes for 25: finish my master, start my career, and be with the one I am happy with.

p.s: One day I read a sentence "How if you had already achieved your dreams, will you have anything left for your life?" This stucks on my head for years. Now, I know the answer. For me, dreaming is a never ending story.  You will achieve your dream, you will grow up, you will forget yout previous ambitions, you will create another dream and you will adjust to it.

... 12 oct 2013

My first several days back to this city and life here were not easy at all. I felt lonely and, again, questioned myself "why am I here?" Yeah, I didn't find it easy to be back to this student-life in France and to stand by myself, especially after several weeks of travelling and being home with my mom and dad.

I started to watch random videos on youtube, simply to get some sounds accompanying me while doing something else. I started to play stupid games on my laptop, read tons of books, etc. Those helped letting the time passed though, but I knew I didn't want to spend my time of those temporary entertaining items.  I started to overcome this loneliness and post-holdaiy syndrome.  First time is to keep on reminding myself that this semester is the last semester I am sitting in the class as a student, as next semester will be different. I am excited about it. 

Things were getting better day by day, I chatted with my friends in Indonesia. I don't have that much friends I can talk with, but I know and feel so blessed that I have my best friends I can always talk with anytime.  They are far away. I got one in Australia and the rest are spreaded over Indonesia. But, as long as we feel that we are friends inside out hearts, the we will always be friends. 

and last night was one of my best nights in the city. Wwe had the new semester party in Ale's new appartment, which was super fun.  We drank, we laughed, we talked, we shared stories, and we ended up with lots of bottles of wines and its friends.  Good wine, good friends, good time.

Now, I am ready to be back to school with them and pass this semester together.

welcoming my 2nd brother-in-law

7th Sept was a date that I've markedever since as it's a very special day for my beloved sister. Yes, we welcome another new member of the family.  For me, it's once again, a chance to gather with my family.  I have been waiting since January, to witness my sister to get into her new life. 

So we were so busy and extremely engaged to all the ceremonial wedding that I didn't even eat during the party. One remark about that day, there was a misunderstanding between my sister and her hair stylist and it was ruining her mood a bit.  I tried to settle everything down eventhough I am not an expert at all, simply because I didn't want to see her being not happy on her wedding day. The idea of having this special day is to be happy and enjoy it, not about to make everything perfect while you don't really feel the happiness and joy of the day.  Everything was solved at the end, and i would have never mentioned this issue anymore to anyone in the family.  It was a special day and nobody shall give space for stupid bad memory of that day.

I met so many people at the party that I knew. It was really nice to be in the party where you belong to, and I felt that way.  I was so happy to talk with elders, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends and relatives.  I was happy that I really understand that It was not the dress that I cared so much for that special day. Fyi, I got my dress just several days before the D-day.  It was not an expensive dress at all but I felt very comfortable wearing it, as simple as I wanted, and everybody said it fitted me perfectly. So I know I wore the perfect dress for that day. =)

One funny (but also starting to be annoying) thing is the question that people asked me during the party. "So, when is your turn (to get married)?"  It was a nice and simple question, and I was not annoyed by that. But when the same question was being asked from everyone you met that night, okay, it started to annoy me. I didn't want it to ruin my mood, and I kept on answering "SOON".  With who? have no idea, as I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment.  But who cares, I do believe that love is a feeling I well have with the right person at the right time, and he is somewhere out there. I remember one of my friends kept on asking me "where is your bf?" and I used to answer, "oh, maybe he was in Antartica, trying to get me a penguin". lol

p.s: I shared this story to my western friends, and their reactions really made my day "what the f*ck they asked you whether you're getting married or not". 

See, it's always about how you see something from different point of view. Someone may annoy you so much with his writing on one side of a paper, then you flip it and you'll see nothing. 

Hitch-hiking

During Toussaints holiday, we went to Château de Chenonceau, not so far from Orléans. It was a very fun day. The weather was nice, and we're adventuring a little bit. So we only bought one-way ticket just to keep our plan opened. After visiting the château, we wanted to go to Tours, but the train was in 2 hours, and we missed the bus already. We asked all the private-bus drivers if they could take us with them, and they said no, as they were all private bus booked by tourists.  One of the bus driver said to us that he was going to Tours, but his passengers would not be happy to have foreigners - us - with them along the return trip.

We were thinking to return to Orléans, but the train to Orléans was also in 2 hours. So I came up with the idea of hitch-hiking. =D.. It was not easy because we're four, it means we had to find somebody who was driving alone to Tours during the weekday at working hours.   It was very funny for us. Among four of us, it was only me who had ever done it. There were a lot of cars starring at us because it's kinda impossible to get a lift for 4 persons.  We're looking at all cars which were passing by. And whenever there was a car with only one person inside, we all felt so excited and saud 'perfect target'. But, most of them were looking at us and show the '4' fingers to us. Yes, we're four, and that's a lot.  Good news, a French lady was on her way to work in Tours and she was alone! Perfect! We're so happy to finally get a lift and yes, we also explored Tours that day. =)

what should I do (next)?

I could hardly sleep for the last several nights.  I am under stressed now.  No, you won't see it on my face nor on my daily acts. I am an expert in hiding my true feelings.  I have thousand things running on my head and it never stop even when I really wish thel to stop, simply to get a bit of rest. 

One question, what should I do next?

It's end of October now, which means I am so close to the deadline to make decision for my life.  Do I sound like exaggerattingsimple thing? It's a big thing for me. I am not a person who can enjoy her life without making any progress to get closer to start stepping on the future. 

Some options available:

a. go home, start up my career in business development with lowest salary ever, and say au revoir to France and Europe

b. stay in France and not knowing if I can find a good internship, I mean, the one in the business development field, as I always want

c. start my own event organizer business in my hometown

d. find a job based on the salary with no interest at all

Okay, options a and b are running my head without a break. I hate being in a situation that I don't even know where I will be in the next two months.  Option c is my other dream that I might do it if I decided to live with my parents. and option d, ahh forget it. That's the last thing I will do in my 25-year-old age.

It does not seem like I will find my answer anytime soon. Writing helps me a lot to relieve my pain and random debates on my head. I am writing not to complain and let people read my pain. As i said, this is a memory that I have ever been in such situation that will make me stronger the next time I reread it. 

Anw, there is a multinational company who offered me a very good intership in Indonesia by the beginning of this year, and again now. I don't know how to respond. There are part of me who wants to stay in France for a bit longer, other wants to start my career soon back home.

Taking chances is rarely about overcoming your fears. The truth is everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you are always glad you took it. - annonymous- 

my little heaven

It's been a very long time since my latest post on July 12, and there are a thousand thing happen to me since then. I re-read my previous post on July 1 about my entire plan 'til end of August, and it's such an undescribale feeling to read them all. Most of the plans went as I planned, but not all of them. Well, I don't want to remind myself how annoying it was when things didn't go as it have been planned. So forget about it! 

Taizé, summer 2013

The best thing is I went to my little heaven for 5 weeks, and it was so amazing. I met a lot of amazing friends there, and yes we all agree that no words and nobody can really express the feeling of being there unless you experience it yourself. It was my second time being in my little heaven, and it's definitely not my last time.  

It was so hard to leave the little heaven.  But I know I got all the experience that I would never forget, and it will help creating the better me.  

I travelled around middle Europe, Budapest, Vienna and Prague, with a friend for about a week, and I found out that Vienna is so amazing! It is now my favorite city in all Europe so far.  Then I went home on the Aug 29 and it was the best feeling ever to arrive at Soekarno-Hatta airport, even it was midnight time, and my sister was somewhere I didn't know, and I didn't have the Indonesian mobile number, plus I thought I almost faint after 24hrs journey.

About the time I spent ome, it was so precious. It was a time of reflection for myself, and for what I am looking for my future as a woman, as a person, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, and as who I want to be.  *to be continued

Paris to Orléans

and another year...
So I 'm back to Orléans by myself, just like the very first time.  I don't understand, but since I arrived at the CDG airport this morning, all my positive thinking started to fade away.  When I was home, I was very positive about everything. I didn't worry about what's gonna happen next. I didn't even try to find out what I might have to face once I arrive. But now, it's really the opposite.

I start to worry about my staying permit, the new housing engagement, the study, like everything becomes miserable.  It's really me who suddenly change and be worry about all unclear things.  I actually wonder, the first time I arrived last year, I was not this worry.  But why now, when I have been living in the country for a year, I am being worry more than the first time. Weird.  I should overcome this feeling as I know He takes care of me.