behind the door

I have just sent a rejection email for the internship offer from one small company in Paris. I was accepted to two companies at almost the same time. It was a suprising because the whole world knows that finding an internship here is hell way difficult. 

Last Monday, I went for an interview in Paris, and on my way to that office, I received a call from another company who would like to have an interview as well. So I said, I would be available in the afternoon.  Then I went to the interview, and it went well. I didn't expect much because I had several interviews before and the result was not good.  Then I did the phone interview with the second company in McDonald near Versailles Château. =D. I was really not in a comfortable place to have an interview, but I did it. Then we continued for another interview on the next 2 days. 

So I got news that I was accepted to join the first company. At the same time, the second one was inviting me for another interview. In my head, I was thinking 'nothing to lose. I wanna see how was the result of the first interview with them.'  I was kinda try to figure out how people value myself as an intern. I definitely need it because after several rejection from other companies, I started to underestimate myself and my ability.  I am not the smartest ass, nor the brightest student. I am an idealist one who always try my best in every chances I have, simply to not regret it in the future. I am really sorry that I have to send that rejection email. I feel really bad about this kind of thing. I know for them it's a normal thing, but for me, I really don't feel good about rejecting something/someone.

As you can imagine, I got the two offers and I was so not sure which one I like better. From the title, I love both of them. Months ago, I have decided that those are the 2 areas that I want to start my career with. And voilà, I suddenly have them both. I am extremely happy, but I know I have to choose. So I chose the first one. I feel so bad about rejecting the second one because the bosses were so nice there. Eventhough they pay higher, I choose the first one because I am thinking for a long-term career.  I need to be well-planned as well as flexible for my future career.

I realize one common thing that always happens to me. I have always got accepted and I have always been accepting the offer of my 5 previous working places from the first face-to-face interview.  And this is gonna be my sixth one. Beginner's luck? I hope so!

I am still wandering if the one I chose will really meet my expectations or not. I know I put myself into trouble. I'll have difficulties in French language in such big companies with a lot of people. But I will survive and God and Virgin Mary will be with me always. You'll never know what is behind the door.