G first day of pre-kindergarten

 

Wow, time flies, how could it be 8 years already since my last post. 

It's G's first day of kindergarten and he was crying. so sad that I have to leave him with Ms. Victoria. I hope he won't be traumatized. 

Another news, 5 of us are now in Houston. been here for few months and will be here for another 2-3 months. So happy to be here. Kids are so happy with so many parks available to have fun. 

David and I, of course we are happy that we are so much closer with the kids as we are here. We have time and we make time for our kids. 

Personally, I am so happy to be here that I can connect better with kids. Professionally, it is not something I imagined earlier, but I learn a lot, networking with people, re-understanding different culture in other part of the world. It's been a long time since our Paris time, and we both are happy to again live in different part of the world and experience this together. It was so different from our Paris time when it was only me moving abroad. 

Few weeks ago, i was so sad because I feel like failing to give the longer period to be in the US for 3G because my assignment is not extended. I will only be here for 6 months instead of longer. I feel like failing professionally. But now I am recovering and decided that I will enjoy the remaining time here. 

We need to make plan for our holiday in end Oct. 

Next trip we dream of: Paris/the Netherlands, Korea.

Why? Por que? Pour quoi?

Been missing writing here for ages.

There were like a thousand thing happening in my life since last February..

Starting with an awful day with Phillipe, up and down about making decision of where to work, starting my Salonku business, moving to Bandung due to work, back to Jakarta after field assignment, broke up with him, got a new task at HO, and now, figuring out that all men are and will not ever be loyal to one woman only.

About the business, I love doing it so much. I learn so many things within several months.  It is very tiring to ship orders everyday but It makes good income for me, and last month was very surprising.  Hopefully I can keep on doing this.  Got no clue what will happen if They send me to other city for work.

Broke up with him.
14 juin 2015.
It was much more than hurting to see those pictures and conversations at his mobile phone.  Not the first, but third time. How could he do such thing to me. Am I that priceless for him?  I was so angry at that time, like I could not believe what happen to our relationship. I forgive but I won't forget. I do not tell anyone why we broke up as it will only be an aib for him.  Let me keep things only in mind and let others keep on blaming me for this.

To be honest, he is much more annoying when we broke up than before. He would be very angry if I don't reply to him soon, or not answering to his date invitation, or to pick me up at office, etc. we both have hard time being separated like now. But, if I remember of what has happened, I feel really awful and nasty. Why me, why him, why he was doing that? I still could not believe that he's been doing that during our first-year relationship. How could I trust you from now on? All those bad pictures and imaginations would come up everytime, really everytime, every moment. 

He did 't even think about me when he did that nasty thing. Why would I think about him right now? But if I do not care about him, he will be very mad, saying that he's very sad, mad at our situation, etc, like he was doing nothing's wrong and I am the mean one to break up with him while he is here in Jakarta with me. 

If you ask me now whether he and I end up to a wedding, I would say NOT SURE. I forgive but I don't forget. How could I be assured that he won't do it again, while he's been doing that for three times in a year. Shit.

I will stand on my own, show him and the world that I can stand by myself. That I can get what I want, I do things my way and I will be successful for what I am doing right now. 

Everyone said that I am too independent. Well, No other choice. I have to be independent so that I can be sure that I get what I want in my own way.

Still questioning, why he did that...

Really have no clues where life brings me.
I've been missing Paris so much these days and was dreaming how IF I live in Paris.

Letter from me a year ago

Dear FutureMe,

I am now sitting in my desk in Biologique Recherche in such a sunny day in Suresnes with Luc in front of me in not a very good mood for today. This is the first day of my second month doing internship here. At one point, I wish to finish this internship soon, means I want time to fly to beginning of July. On the other side, if time flies, I might miss it because it means closer to go back to Indonesia. I know I will return to Indonesia before the end of September. This is what I want, to restart my career and be with the people I love there. But somehow I have this feeling that hold me to be here a little bit longer, because I know, once I am back there, there might come a time when I will miss my life here and as wise man says, time will never come back.

I enjoy my time here, a lot. I go to work from Monday to Friday, squeeze myself into the Metro, then come back home, cook at night, and talk with some friends, then read a book or watch a movie before going to bed. Same routine everyday 'til Saturady comes and I do the weekly shopping in LIDL or Leader Price or Carrefour, then meet Sanja and Levce or do something else. Then I go to church on Sunday. Yesterday i went to Notre Dame for Sunday mass. I was smilling to myself because the last time I was there, I was a real tourist, taking picture and looking at the architecture. But now I am going there, not even haing time to enjoy the architecture because I was late for the mass. I saw many tourists and I felt that how fast time has flown and now I am at a different point from several months ago.

Lately, I have been realizing that I no longer want to say 'I hope time will fly'. I realize that it's not about the time in the future that I should care about. It's about the time right now. I might not be able to remember all the things I see, all the people I meet, all the impression I have, but I want to at least remember the feelings I have during that time.

Sometimes I wish I won't forget every single detail I have in my life. But if it happens, then I will also remember all the bad days I have, and it might not be too fascinating.

So future me, I don't know where life will bring me after Paris, after this master study, after returning back home, after meeting my family, my friends who I love there. A year from now, where do you think i will be? Will I already settle down? Will I already meet someone special? Will I already fed up with the traffic in Jakarta? 

I guess I will, especially the last one. So when that time arrives, thie email will remind me why I am there and not in paris, why I take that decision instead of working in Paris for the sake of money.

The whole journey in France is really a precious experience for me. It's no longer about 'being so cool to do master abroad, and have weekend gateaway in Paris or Germany or Italy, etc.' It's teaching me what is important in life. This is really showing me what I want for my life, not only for career, but more for my entire life, family, sisterhood, brother, friends, best friends, old friends, career, new family, relationship with God, be a better person, respect things and people more than I used to, and the most important one, to see how blessed I am to be who I am now. Wise man said, 'look down and you'll realize how lucky you are'. Yes, I did look down. Seeing people on the street begging for money, sleeping in the Metro station in these cold weather, hugging dogs while begging in order to get warm, getting drunk on Monday afternoon like you have nothing else to do.

I wish I could say that i have nothing to ask more from God, but in fact, I always have things I ask from Him. I wish health and happiness for my big family, I wish peace in our hearts, I wish to meet someone special in my life. En plus, I wish to always be happy for who I am now.

Okay, It's time for lunch now. I have spagetti with lardon and taboulé for lunch and yaout for dessert.

What is my lunch a year from now? --> I had rice with fish in Thai sauce

hugs,
happy me from last year

fingers crossed

almost end of January now and things have been so unpredictable. 

let me write my new job here, with Monsieur BM. 

Now I am working at an office, where there are only a total of 9 people, including two security guys. So it's very small. PA is the owner of the company, who owns a resort in Bali, a museum at Nusa Dua and 11 gasoline center in around Jakarta area. In short, he is wealthy rich. 

But I am not working with him. I work with BM, a very extremely incredibly smart guy that I respect so much. He is a Colonel in France and a Doctor in Juridical Sciences Law.  He was working for the Minister homme d'affaires in Paris, but since 2009, he was being sent to Indonesia as the representative from EU for a project with ASEAN in Jakarta.  I really love having conversation and discussions with him, as he is really smart. and he is smart in the major that I know nothing about, crisis management. 

I learn so many things from him. From crisis management, to the way a crisis manager should think, to how the government runs in my country, to how good the systems have been in France, to many other things.  In addition, I speak French as well with him, so basically I learn so many things. 

However, I don't like what I am doing right now. Because I cannot develop myself in this office. Now, we are trying to approach the government and have some appointments with them to explain to them how important it is for a country to have a crisis center so that it can help them to provide public safety for the people.  Well, working with government is not that easy though.  

This month I was travelling to Bali and Surabaya with him, and I realize that this project is really not easy.  Because it is a mega project that I don't think the government can handle it.  this country is way too far behind, in my opinion.  

BUT, I just received a call saying that I am being accepted to the next process, that is medical check up. yuhuuu.. I am very excited about it. I remembered I was crying last month because 2 of 5 interviewees were called for next process and i was not one of the two. I applied for marketing at the beginning and never get the good news, but then they call me for sales position in the same company. So I said yes, of course. They said that I am suitable more in Sales than Marketing. Well, so far I have been accepted in one marketing position and one sales position in two different companies. So I, myself, have no idea about this.  But I will try my best. I hope the offer will be good so I can leave this company with any regret. 

ahhh thanks God, the Sangjit project went well, and DH is amazing, he has been very helpful to me and he is the best. I should never doubt his ability in doing *almost* every technical thing. Je t'aime toujours cheri. =)

***fingers crossed***

Hope I can get next customer for the Sangjit Project and also Salonku project. 

I am quite busy these days with some customers for Salonku and some prospective customers asking info about Sangjit Project. But, I am happy with it, instead the fact I gain weight as I have no time for gym. =(

Last day of 2014

Yes, it's our last day for this year.

Let's do a recap:

met DH this year,

did europe travelling with tomgen,

Finished my master,

So disappointed for not being accepted in those two big companies..exactly in the final interview,

Fed up of going to interviews,

Felt so useless for not working for months,

Stayed in jakarta with mon chéri,

Have new sangjit project for january,

Being active as wedding organizer,

Found out that my bf is so sensitive,

Cried over fights with my mom,

Went to lampung with my bf,

Wonder how life is really unpredictable...by beginning of this year, I was crazy about moving out, almost being homeless in paris, so afraid of speaking french to this french people in the office,

And on this last day, being so sick and stay in my bed while listening to fireworks.

There have been so many good and bad times this year. I am so thankful for that. I hope that next year will be even better than this year.

Some points to go for next year:

Sangjit project,

Salonku project,

Work at consumer goods,

He finds a good job,

We both can move on to the next level together,

Being a better me,

Save money and have a house,

Help tepa n mera for their wedding days,

Be healthy, be positive, be grateful, be wise, be thankful.

hidup di Jakarta

Yup, saat ini gue udah hampir 4 bulan di Jakarta. dan DH juga ada disini, di Cinere tepatnya.  Rasanya uda banyak hal yang kita lalui bersama. g makin kenal DH jg, kita makin sering ribut juga. Tapi gue tetep kangen dy selalu. =)

Saat ini gue lagi super bosen, karena gue sendiri belum dapet kerjaan yang gue inginkan. uda banyak interview gue jalanin tapi ternyata belum ada yang pas. Semua yang gue incer, selalu gagal di tahap terakhir. what's wrong with me?
Gue mulai merasa ga berguna. 
Dan semalem pun gue berantem sama DH karena kita mau bikin bisnis bareng tapi ternyata ga gampang untuk kerja bareng orang yang sangat dekat dengan u. 
Gue sempet cukup excited kemarin ini karena gue bisa ngerjain bisnis ini, bisa ada order-an hampers, ada urusan kids decor party project, plus jadi wedding organizer. 
Sometimes gue mikir, iya banyak banget hal yang pengen gue lakuin at the same time. Tapi kalo gue gda yang bisa dikerjain begini, gue ngerasa useless dan ga berguna banget. Plus, g mulai mengalami krisis keuangan. 
Ahhh..klo uda begini, rasanya gue pengen kabur dan ga ketemu siapa2. Rasanya ga perlu orang2 tau gue ngapain sekarang, apa plan gue dll. yes, simply because i have no plan. 
DH juga bukan tipe yang bisa gerak cepat dalam hal merencanakan sesuatu. Yah kalo versi dy sih karena dy belajar risk management. Kebalik banget sama gue, yang kalau uda mau sesuatu, gue akan kerjain as soon as I can, karena prinsipnya, kalau mau gagal ya silahkan, tapi nanti gue akan bangun lagi. 

Gue mulai mempertanyakan, apakah keputusan untuk pulang ke Indo ini keputusan yang tepat untuk gue dan dy? Gue sedih karena sekarang dy stress ga punya kerjaan, gada plan untuk masa depan, dll. LDR is fine for me. Tapi dy yang gamau LDR, dan dy kekeuh tetep mau di Indonesia. 
so what are we going to do now?

...27 sept 2014

Kangen kamu mon cheri.. Six days from now, We'll be hugging each other tightly. :)

DH

Je suis la femme la plus heureuse dans le monde, grâce à toi, mon chéri!

jadi panitia lagi

Weekend ini gue ikut jadi panitia acara Eurolympique di Paris. Sempet ragu-ragu waktu daftar karena ngerasa uda bukan waktunya lagi utk gue ikutan acara bgtun. Gue ud ngabisin ckup banyak waktu utk aktif di byk kegiatan selama kuliah di atma. Tp somehow g ngerasa kangen jadi panitia acar, dan juga pengent. Gimana sih kalau ppi bikin acara, dan juga g belum pernah jadi panitia acar olahraga. So here i am. Hari ini gue jadi panitia , juga besok. Dan yah, ternyata gue kangen berat jadi panitia acara bgtu. Dan gjr sangat menikmati hari ini!

Salah satu bukti bahwa gue harus berani mencoba dan mengikuti kata hati. Dengan begitu gue akan tahu ada apa di balik pintu itu.

En retard

These days I have this bad habit of being late, either to the office or to meeting appointments. This is really not a good habit. Like today, i was so late to an event because I could not wake up early in the morning. I felt very ashamed when I arrived today because I feel that I am the worst ever. I should not be late for such day. Okay it is not a big deal for them, but for me, i feel so bad about this. And now it's 22.10 and I force my self to sleep because I am so afraid to be late for tomorrow. 

I need to change this silly habit. I need to manage my time better, if not, one day, I might lose a good chance just because of being late. 

Mission starts tomorrow.

Chillin' out

I was walking around Paris for hours and hours with Asti. We started from our place to Montmarte, then to jardin du luxembourg, which was super nice, and continued to have our picnic time in ile saint louis.

It was very nice that we were walking along the riverside from île-saint-louis until the eiffel tower. I saw a lot of things that I had never know before. Around the riverside after musee d'orsay, there are places for kinds and people to play rollerblade, skate board, kids in the playing ground area, and also people who are just drinking and chilling out. There are tables there where they have the ludo, chess pattern and some other games. I didn't know this area before. Then we continued walking and found theworld map, animals painting, alphabets, numbers, and some other street art there.

Surprisingly, around the pont alexandre 3, there are a lot of cafes filled with crowds of french young businessman and women. It was around 7 pm, and yes, everybody was drinking and chilling out in the riverside, with heels on the toes and wine on the hand. I was so surprised. Because they are really young business executive, with their suits and formal working outfits. Right after pont alexandre 3, there was a very alive restaurant with music and open bartender and kitchen. They are not really eating anything. You can see the wine and champagne bottles in every table. Sow, they do enjoy their lives. It was thursday night, not even Friday night. 

It's another life of Paris that I had never known before.

la bible

Finally I got the bible have been looking for. It's in English and in French. Hope this can be another way for me to learn as well as understanding more God's way of life.

curious or care

"Only a few people actually care. The rest are just curious".

There are some quotes that stay forever in your mind because it somehow realtes to you, or you feel like it's so right, something really happens but i never realized it before. Just like this quote. This is one of not-so-mày quotes that i keep in mind, and keep on reminding myself about the meaning of this quote. People don't care, they are just too curious. 

Now I can see some people around me who do really care and some others who are just curious. Curious about my future plan, curious about how I survive, curious about how I get and spend the money, curious about shether I am happy ornnot. Even after you answer their questions, or telling them th your life is not as good as you expect, they don't even give you another second to explain. They just want to get the answer of their questions. 

As I grow up, I meet some of these two types of people. For the first type, I definitely can share my happiness, worries and thoughts. For the second one, You'll see me as the happiest girl alive! Don't be too curious about other's life, as it has nothing to do with you.

Easter vigile

For this Saturday mass, I decided to go to the english mass because Normally for special celebration, the wordings are even more complicated. To avoind not understanding the meaning of the mass, I went to the english one at St. Joseph's church near Arc de Triumph. I was surprised because there were quite number of people there. The church is another beautiful and simple version of God's house. One thing I don't like is that people were so noisy before the mass started. I remembered once a brother of Taize told me that by the time we enter the church, we prepare ourselves to God. In other words, we are supposed to keep silent in order to respect others who are preparing themselves for God. 

It's not only to be silent during the mass, but also by the time you step into the church. 

Anyway, maybe it's just another different habit of people and its church.

We started by gathering outside the church to light the paschal candle. And then the priest followed by us, we entered the church with the candles in our hand, and started the celebration. There was baptism and confirmation for some people, which reminded me of, again, how blessed I have been to discover and know Jesus in my life since my baptism during easter 6 years ago. The baptism was also unique. Every of them was pourred with blessed water, and then they sign the baptism certificate and got the bible and certificate as the welcoming gift to the community of Jesus. 

The priest was hilarious during the mass. He was very funny, communicative, nd was able to bring up the good atmosphere during the 2-hour mass. Before the last blessing, he gave egg chocolates to kids in the church. Lovely. I am sure those kids are bery happy even only with one small egg chocolate from a very lovely easter santa. The mass was really alove and i didn't feel bored at all.

Très joyeuses des pâques 21.04.14

For Sunday mass, I went to Madeleine. It is one of my favorite churches so far. It was a nice Easter mass and pretty short, only one hour. 

At the end I was saying happy easter to one of the priests and he asked me where do I come from, and he speaks a little bit indonesia. Nice to find people speaking indonesian.

Jeudi et Vendredi saint

I have been so lucky to experience easter this year in Paris. Last year I was in sicily and it was more to holiday than experiencing the real three holy-days celebration. So for the white Thursday and Holy Friday, I wen to the church near my place. I was so lazy and have decided not to go to the chruch but then I remembered how blessed I have been in my life, and there is not reason to not saying thank you to God for what I have. So I finally went to the mass. And yes, it was very interesting one.

During white thrusday, in St. Geneviève church, the room was set like a big dinner room, just like the last supper that Jesus had with his disciples. In the middle there was a long table and everyone was sitting around the table, including the priest. They decoreated the table with real bread, flowers, some candles and lights. I was sitting very close to the priest and the small altar at the end of the table. I have never been so close to the altar like that ever. The church itself was very different from other old church that you can find wherever you go in France. It was pretty modern with the modern style altar, but still very simple and beautiful. I could watch what the priest was really doing around the altar, especially when he was asking for bless for the bread and wine. It was interesting for me to see that. And then at the end of the mass, the priest brought the goblet to the backyard of the church, followed by everyone. He put the goblet, candles and flowers in one small table in the backyard, and we were praying around the goblet. I was not so sure what's that mean, I'll check out later. 

The 2-hour mass was not boring at all.

-Nous sommes le corps du Christ

Chacun de nous est un membre de ce corps

Chacun reçoit la grâce de l'esprit,

Pour le bien du corps entier

Then on friday, again, i was so lazy to go to the mass, but again He calls me to come to Him. Znd I am thankful for that. I got another experience that friday. Like elsewhere, there was the story of how Jésus was sentenced by Pilatus. This time is in French, and yes I can understand te main story, but just could not catch all the words, especially when the choir, as the farisians, sang so beautifully that I could not understand at all. Then we also had the time when we kissed the cross. In Jakarta, as there are many people, the church prepares several mini cross so people make several lines and kiss that cross. But yesterday, we lined up to the big and only cross in the church. It was like around 200-250 people, so it took quite sometime. I felt so sleepy by the time we finished the mass. :D

O père, dans tes mains, je remets mon esprit

A place called home for them

Big cities mean big issues. One of them is the homeless people in the city.  I have been living in Paris for several months, and yes it becomes a very common view to see homeless people in the metro station, in front of an empty building, in a bench, in a station or bus terminal, everywhere.  If they are lucky enough, they might have a corner in a warm metro station.  But not all metrro stations are warm enough. I do freeze most of the time eventhough I only pass by in the metro station at night. Being homeless may be the only option they have. Being homeless everywhere in this world is not nice at all. But I feel really sorry for those in Paris.  It's very cold everynight during the year. Even if it's summer time, at night it is still very cold.  I pay attention of how they survive. Some of them have dogs with with them because it will give them some level of warmth.  The other, they cover their body with any clothes they have.  They do drink a lot of wine to keep their body warm too.

I passed by plaza republique after my french class last week. I saw a family of a dad, mom and their kid, sleeping in front of a reconstructed buidling.  Their roof is those temporary stairs made for the reconstruction work.  Not so far from their 'home', there is a Crowne Plaza Hotel. How life is so not fair for them.  It was really sad for me to see their condition.  Then in the metro statin, I saw one guy, that I have seen several times, he was just sitting there and drinking beer. I suppose that metro station is his 'home'. There were two girls trying to communicate with him. And he showed them that he has a mark of kinda accident on his left feet. He is old. He is very quite. His face is very calm. He looks really like a nice and peaceful person.  He lives alone, I guess, and that really makes me sad.

In a city where everybody is coming to but a thousand dollar bag, there are those people freezing at night in their 'home'. Their only heater is either hugging a dog or drinking.  You might say that they are so silly to spend their money for the alcohol drink. But have you ever thought that in such situation where you have no other option to be happy about what you have, drinking can help you to make days pass faster. Even if another new day is coming, is there any hope for a new life, a new home, a better condition of living? Some of them are drunk in the metro station but they have never been annoying, to me at least. I am not afraid with them eventhough I have to be in a metro station at midnight by myself. They won't even try to touch you nor talking to you.  At such case, I hate more those unresponsible kids who are drinking for fun, spending money for smoking weeds and then go back home and stay under their parents' armpit as they can't survive themselves.

I do really hope they can have a place called home for them one day, especially for that old man in the Republique metro station.

Going to Sunday mass

I have been going to Saturday/Sunday for quite sometime in France. i go many different church both in Orleans and in Paris. I am still amazed everytime u go to one church for the first time. The churches are all beautiful with its original construction, painting, sculptures, statue, glass window, the sun shining us inside the church, the cold stone in winter, etc.
From all churches that i have ever been so far, it creates one similarity, it's pretty empty. Well, of course it doesn't apply for Notre Dame Paris and Basilique Sacre Coeur which are touristique places.

At the beginning i was very surprised to see not so many people in the church. Back in jakarta, i have to be there at least 30 minutes before in order to get a seat inside the church. If you' re there just in time, you'll stand outsided the church and hear nothing actually.  But here, incan be there just one minute before the bell stops ringing, and I can get a front-row seat, for sure.  I sometimes see some young people in the church, but it pretty rare. Most of them are old and very old believers. You'll see pretty young couple in their 30s with their baby. It's quite cheering. I remembered one time in Jeanne d'arc church in Orleans, the one collecting the donation was a very very very really old man, who has hard time to walk around the church and he was shaking while holding the small basket for the money.  I really can't forget that moment. It was really sad to see that there are only these old people left in the church.  It's a very common view to see the old father walks by himself to the altar, without any cardinal nor any young man helping him.  Another day, one woman asked me if I would like to sing in the church because there's almost nobody singing in the church.  I would really love too, but I can't.  I have issue with my French level and my not-so-nice voice of course. 

If you come earlier before the mass starts, you'll find out that they have nobody ready for reading the bible, they usually ask anybody in the front seat to read.

This is really different from where I come from.  In Jakarta and Lampung, there are even 'committees' for each mass held in the church. They organize everything, they have the special uniform sometimes, there are young people helping the father in the altar area, there are a group of choir, they are there to help you finding an empty seat in the middle of the crowd, there are tvs and slide to make sure everyone can see what's going on in the altar.  Those are all doubled during the special day like easter or noel.  There are also practices for the youth to read the bible for the mass, practices for the choir, practices to be one of those helping the father.

I am not trying to show which one is the best, not at all. This is simply a personal note for myself. In a country where you can find churches just several steps from wherever you live, the situation is surprising. But i do learn that it's not about making everything perfect for the mass celebration. It can be as simple as how they do it here. It's the purpose of being in the house of God that make people still come to the church. It was not a matter of committees nor the crowd. It's about praising God in any way possible.  I will not forget those very cold days in the church, that old shaking man, the sound of the very old big organ in the church. And many reflected moments i have in His house

Too curious

Several days ago I was reading news about the scholarship to New Zealand. Then i did a little bit of research to find out about the programs, etc.  2 years ago, Mera told me about this too but at that time I was concentrating to register to the university in France, and France becomes my biggest dream that time. So I didnn't really pay attention to 'studying in NZ issue'.  Then I again saw article about this and it interests me. Just that night, i was really into applying to the school for another master and for the scholarship. I was already really thought about applying without telling anyone, especially my mom.  But then the next day, I asked Mele and Tepa about their opinions if I again take another master study.  Frankly, everybody does not agree, with different point of view. It's the best i can have with these two best friends, because they always come up with ideas that I had never thought before. Tepa with her chinese-old parental point of view and mele with a modern one.

Their opinions make a good sense. Then I brought up this question to my mom.  She directly said no, without even asking me what, why, when, how, etc.  The reason is because I have enough for study now and it's time to work, get married and start a family, or I will be too old to get married while the whole world is planning their wedding anytime soon.  'What will others think if you keep on studying and not getting married?' I don't appreciate this, at all. I know I am not that young anymore. I will be 26 this year and need to start my career soon. Plus I don't have a bf nor planning any wed soon. But it should not be the reason to refuse my will to study.  I was disappointed though. I don't appreciate when my mom starts to talk about 'what others think....'. I keep on saying to her, it doesn't matter what others think. They neither help nor care about what is happening in our life. Why should we waste time to think about what they think about us?

You can give me a million reason to refuse my proposal and i will consider it, but never it be about what others think.  I am who I am now because I stand by myself doing what I love to do, not about what others love who I should become.
"They don't care. They are just too curious". So, keep your plans to yourself.

My routine

It's been quite a while since my last writing. I am occupied these days. I don't feel like days are running but I have so many things to do everyday.  Give me sometime to remember what have been through these days. A lot!

I have been exploring Paris very often during the weekend, visiting so many beautiful and remarkable places, knowing a little bit more about the history and the culture of the city and its people. I like being a tourist, but at the same time, I also like to understand their history that creates their way of life and thinking these days. It's more much more interesting than seeing building and taking pictures in front of it.  :P.  I also like my days now because I am now in the 'I-know-how-thing-works' period so I feel like really living here, not only passing by for several days or months. Well, I still have no idea about so ma y things but I am pretty happy with what I know and see so far.

Now I have my routine. I get up at 7 in the morning, get my breakfast (yoghurt+Cereal+Oats or milk or juice and jammed bread), get ready, head into the metro, take metro line 13 change to line 2 and then change again to line 1 before take the bus no. 244 to Val d'or station, which is 5 mins walk from the office. I come late several times but it's fine, I stay a bit later as well. On normal and good-mood day, I eat in the dining room woth all the french-speaking-only employees (I eat salad a lot these days). I go home by 5 and be home by 6p.m. Then I will enjouy a cup of tea or a glass of juice before reading or playing games. At around 8 I'll be eating together with Jessica, Sonia, Philip, Clemence, or anybody that I start the conversation with that night. :)
The length of my dinner depends on the topic of the day, it may take only one hour or even 2 hours. Haha.. I'm becoming french now.
Get back to my room, I'll either read or play some stupid games (Mele just told me to download an indonesian game called 'tebak gambar', a silly one but I keep on playing.)
What a 'basic' routine, but I like it. Then I always have something to do by the weekend. I join the walking tour around Paris, I go to touristic spots, I go to Sunday mass, I go to different traditional market most of the time, Go to supermarket as well to do groceries shopping or simply have a walk in the Seine river by my own and take a bus around the city. I get lost every weekend with different direction of the buses!

So far I really don't feel bored about my routine. I travel sometimes for the work, and it helps.   I feel that there are some things that are changing in me. I adore salad so much now. My food is not that greasy nor tasty or spicy anymore.  I enjoy the sun more. I take care of my body better than before.  I am not engaged to internet anymore. I have time for reading books now, but just not french grammar book. :(
There are so many things I don't want to forget from my life here, and I'll write them all hopefully very soon!

P.s.:while writing there, there are some people shooting for film in the appartment accross mine. Interesting!

Be sure of my decision

Last Wednesday, the 12, was not an easy day for me and my sisters and brother.  My mom had her cancer surgery on that day. We found out about her disease like around one month ago. And then we decided to check with another doctor in Jakarta, and the result was similar to the one my mom got in Malaysia. Then we decided that my mom would do the surgery in Malaysia, as she always go to that hospital and, in my opinion, that hospital is more efficient in doing everything, such as taking blood sample, etc. 

It was scheduled on Thursday but all of a sudden my mom decided to do it as early as possible. So when I woke up, at around 7am here, my mom was already ready for the surgery there.  I was pretty shocked that morning.  That day I had the training in Champs Elysees, and we had quite a long pause for lunch, so I went around Champs Elysees, going to some stores, etc. But my mind was not there at all.  The doctor said that the surgery will take around 2.5 hours but at the end it took more than 5 hours. During those additional 3 hours, I was pretty awful, like not knowing what happened and at the same time, can do nothing at all. What I can do all the time was looking at my mobile phone all the time checking if there is any news in our ‘sisterhood’ group, expecting any good news anytime soon.  My brother and my aunty were there to accompany my mom. 

At that time I felt so awful.  My family was occupied to prepare the ticket, the money, the departure, etc., and here I could do nothing except asking so many questions.   And then during the surgery, I was not there to accompany my mom, and could not imagine how awful the time of my brother waiting in front of the operation room.  I said to myself, ‘no, this is not what I want to face anymore in the future’, feeling so guilty for being able to do nothing.  

That moment makes me sure about the decision I already have in my head of returning home after the master.  Some of my friends keep on asking and persuading me to stay in France, as I can get a job, a better salary, a more exciting life in Paris, etc.  Until now, I know that’s not what I want.  For me, what’s the point of earning money for yourself, enjoying a glass of wine with your colleague or friends that you don’t really share everything with, enjoying buying branded stuff that won’t give you comfort during the lonely weekends.  I finally find out what kind of life I want for myself. I don’t care how great it would be to work in Paris, to have a French boyfriend, or whatsoever, no, it’s just not what I imagine about my future.  I don’t want to miss my nephews’ and nieces’ birthday, my brother’s graduation day, staying home with mom and dad, celebrating Chinese’s New Year together, etc.  There are enormous things I would miss just because of staying here.  And yeah also if somebody may be sick and need any help, I don’t want to be the only who only stare at her mobile phone all the time like last Wednesday.

It’s pretty funny though that a friend of mine keeps on asking me ‘will you stay in France?’ ‘why don’t you want to stay?’ ‘are you sure you don’t want to be here?’ almost every time we meet, which is almost every week.  I am even more confident to the decision I have in my head now, dear friend. =)

Mondial Spa

As part of my BR experience, I had to attend the Mondial Spa & Beauté in Porte de Pantin because we had our stand there.  I was pretty nervous because i have to, at least, prepare a short presentation about the brand, and be ready to answer visitor's questions about our brand, which I don't really master yet. And plus, it will be all in french. Oh yeah, not very easy for me. It went well, not really a lot of people visiting our booth. But I definitely wouldn't forget how I was trapped to do the skin diagnostic with the BR machine for 3 customers, thanks to my one and only partner, cadina.  Yeah, all of a sudden she proposed to customers to get their skin diagnostized using the machine and she asked me to do so. Okay in the morning, I tried once with her but it was only for fun. But then I can't say no in front of customer so I really had to do so. After one old woman, then another one, and another one. I had to explain about their skin type, answering all questions in french related to their skin conditions. Well, such an experience. 

The exhibition reminds le of the time I was representing atma jaya, especially the very first time when I had no idea how to explain to students.  I was in the same condition during that day due to my language issue. But I felt more comfortable now because I feel more confidence with myself and I know that was a process of learning.  I found out that i pretty like this kind of activity, and it might be a reference for me for my future career. I am on my way finding what I like to do for my life.