capitale de Noël

for the next half year

Ce soir, je me suis promenée à la station du tram après la messe dans l'Eglise St. Paterne. Je me suis réfléchie que je vais vivre en France pour 6 mois plus. Je ne suis pas triste. Je suis prête à relever le challenge.  Jakarta, attendez-moi!

behind the door

I have just sent a rejection email for the internship offer from one small company in Paris. I was accepted to two companies at almost the same time. It was a suprising because the whole world knows that finding an internship here is hell way difficult. 

Last Monday, I went for an interview in Paris, and on my way to that office, I received a call from another company who would like to have an interview as well. So I said, I would be available in the afternoon.  Then I went to the interview, and it went well. I didn't expect much because I had several interviews before and the result was not good.  Then I did the phone interview with the second company in McDonald near Versailles Château. =D. I was really not in a comfortable place to have an interview, but I did it. Then we continued for another interview on the next 2 days. 

So I got news that I was accepted to join the first company. At the same time, the second one was inviting me for another interview. In my head, I was thinking 'nothing to lose. I wanna see how was the result of the first interview with them.'  I was kinda try to figure out how people value myself as an intern. I definitely need it because after several rejection from other companies, I started to underestimate myself and my ability.  I am not the smartest ass, nor the brightest student. I am an idealist one who always try my best in every chances I have, simply to not regret it in the future. I am really sorry that I have to send that rejection email. I feel really bad about this kind of thing. I know for them it's a normal thing, but for me, I really don't feel good about rejecting something/someone.

As you can imagine, I got the two offers and I was so not sure which one I like better. From the title, I love both of them. Months ago, I have decided that those are the 2 areas that I want to start my career with. And voilà, I suddenly have them both. I am extremely happy, but I know I have to choose. So I chose the first one. I feel so bad about rejecting the second one because the bosses were so nice there. Eventhough they pay higher, I choose the first one because I am thinking for a long-term career.  I need to be well-planned as well as flexible for my future career.

I realize one common thing that always happens to me. I have always got accepted and I have always been accepting the offer of my 5 previous working places from the first face-to-face interview.  And this is gonna be my sixth one. Beginner's luck? I hope so!

I am still wandering if the one I chose will really meet my expectations or not. I know I put myself into trouble. I'll have difficulties in French language in such big companies with a lot of people. But I will survive and God and Virgin Mary will be with me always. You'll never know what is behind the door.

au revoir!

Sarolta's farewell party

last class of master

I was L.A.M.E between 2012-2014. It was COOL =)

Yesterday was one of many emotional days in my life. It was the very last class for our master, the one I have been pursuing for the last 1.5 year.  We haven't officially finished the master, as we still have to do an internship for the next half year, but we officially finish with the courses, sitting in the class, listening to the teacher, debating between us, laughing at surprising news from certain countries, etc.  I still remember the very first weeks of this master, I couldn't understand their debates in class about European matters. I was quite scared at that time because everyone seems to know and understand by heart what was going on in the European Union, and I didn't even know who Angela Merkel and Herman van Rompuy were.   

I learn a lot from this master, not particularly from the master itself, but from the environment.  It has broaden my point of view of analyzing cases, understanding political and economic decision, how things run in many countries, things which are not written in any school books.

So 1.5 years has flown away.  No more European law classes. No more French classes with Marvin, Erika, Ale, etc., no more Business English with Mr. Casquet, no more Mme. Marambat's office, no more signing to Campus' internet, no more lunch at Le Forum canteen, no more break and coffee machine, no more of many things that I will definitely miss.
We have made our plan for the next 6 months, either in France or outside the country.  Some of us will do the internship in Paris, some other in the southern part of the country, and some other will stay in Orléans. It's a sad moment, but I do believe that people meet twice in life. So I'll meet them again in the near future.

En fin, I am happy to join this master in 2012.  (There was time I was thinking how if I took the master in 2013, so I would be better prepared with my French level).  After a while, I didn't regret it at all. I know it was the best time to start, back in 2012.  As our European Law teacher said, we're the best and most interesting group ever.

p.s: no more English discussion, and it'll be French everywhere starting from now.

univ d'Orléans

my angel snow!

Today I am being very sentimental the whole day. Today I decided to have a walk around the University with Sarolta. She is leaving by the 23rd, that's in 7 days! I will miss her a lot. I suddenly realize that I will not only miss her as a person, but I will miss our time together that will never happen again. Even if I meet her in the future, it'll be in different place and different situation. She is the one who told me about the angel snow!

I will also miss the university, especially the view around the lake.  This is not the most perfect university ever, but I do learn a lot and experience many things here after 1.5 year. 

Things I don't want to forget about my university:

- my favorite room is the Peguy Amphitheatre because when you are there, you can see people sitting around the lake, chatting, laying down, reading, studying, kissing, having lunch, etc.

- second favorite is the 258, sitting next to the window. It has always been successful taking my attention away from the teacher. From there, I can see people walking outside under the trees, the falling leaves, the snowy path, snow fighting, the rainy days, the sunny weather

- whenever I see somebody comes out from the door downstair, I will definitely run so that I can get in. The door was so hard to open from outside

- the library is always noisy and they kicked us out at 7.45 pm while it's officially close at 8 pm

- there is no mirror in ladies' toilet! (there are in man's toilet). How come?

- Coffee machine is everyone's favorite during the break

- Le Lac is the restaurant with the best view of all

- I went to the library of Law just once

- I always pass the lake whenever I go to the sports building. That's a very nice direction.

- I fell over in the bridge during last winter

- I went to the chateau of the president once only! and it was very nice and warm inside

- the grass around the lake is a special place for me. We walked around when it was snowing and we sat down and enjoy the sun during summer

- I always wonder how all the swan go when the lake is freezing?

- Autumn last year, Florina, Hang and I had lunch together near the lake.  Another time with Stacey and Karina as well.

- yesterday I saw for the first time that the lake was turning into ice and it cracked during the day

- There are a lot of small forests around the university, let's say, they have larger area for grass and trees than buildings

- I like that they don't have high buildings here

- Some rooms can be really warm and the others are very cold. How should I dress up?

- Last 2 semesters, we did morning walk on Saturday around the university

- when it was summer, you can really see through the water there

You might realize, it's all about the lake. It was not the most beautiful lake, but I do like it. It's something I will never find in any university in my country. And especially if the weather is nice, that's really a good day to sit by the lake, or near the bridge.

These days, I really live my life to the fullest which means enjoying every single and simple moment. The fact that everything will change very soon, in one week, I wanna enjoy everything and plase as much memories as possible in my head.  

So this is how it feels when you live your life to the max everyday. It feels great!

uring-uringan

I have been wandering around for the last 3 hours doing nothing useful.  Since last night, I started to have this worriness in mind about my life in the near future (after January 8, 2014). Yes, this is me when I have to face such situation or if I have to decide something for myself.  I will have my last exams on the January 8, and after that, I really do not know what I am going to do. I'll go crazy if by the 8th of January, I have nothing to do, because at that time, I'll have finished all the exams and actually be free to return home and find a job. I am still searching for an internship in France, but it's really difficult to find one.  I think I have been sending more than 60 CVs to companies in France and in some other countries so far, and it keeps on going. 

2 days ago, I wasn't worried at all, but suddenly I realize that it's already 1/3 of the month, and time really flies! 

Business Law exam is tomorrow morning and I can hardly concentrate now. =(

I need to pray and make myself calm. 

encourage each other

I am worried about Mele at the moment. She is currently looking for a job but she has not successful yet. I am sure she will find one anytime soon because she is capable of it. I am just worried that she will be so stressful 'til the time she finds the new job. I keep on reminding her that she doesn't have to be stressful about it as her life is nice and smooth. I know she likes teaching but she also needs a job. I am really against the way if she chooses a job that she doesn't like just because of the salary.  I don't want her to be not happy afterwards.  

Eventhough I am also at the moment stress about the same thing. lol. It's funny that we both face more or less same situation where we're both looking for a job for our near future.  Sometimes it's funny that we try to encourage each other eventhough we're both not sure about it.  

I fully realized that working is (not) about the money, it's about the feeling and things I wanna achieve through career that we build up. The result will be between low/average salary and happiness of doing things you like.  I hope she finds her new job soon, the one that she likes the most.  I am sorry I can't be there next to you, but I will try to be accompany you eventhough we're far away. Be strong!

officially an aunty

I am officially an aunty since a week ago, of a very cute boy namely Derick Tan. It's a strange feeling. =D.. I haven't seen him directly, just through skype, but I know that I don't want to miss his first, second, third and so on birthdays.  

It's another chapter for my sister and her little family. There was a moment I felt that now my sisters have their own families, and me, will I be lonely?  I still have my brother, but it won't be the same. I was close with my sister, especially the second one. And in the (near) future, when I return home, I will not be able to sleep with her anymore. We had always slept in the same room since high school. I spent 3 years in high school sharing a room with her, 4 years during university.  I know that life goes on, and this is not something I should be sad about, but still, I am a bit afraid. How if I feel lonely by the time I am there? Because I know nothing remains the same forever except the love in our heart. 

Anyway, I talked with my mom and dad, congratulated them for being a grandpa and grandma for the very first time. They're so extremely happy and grateful. My mom kept on sending me updates about Derick =).  I am so grateful to know that my parents are so happy there. They deserve it. They are the best parents in the world.

My birthday card!

My 25th birthday card arrived a week ago from the my best-and-only Mele.  I am so extremely happy. Okay, it's a bit unfair because I did asked her to send me my bday card. It was so sad that I didn't receive any birthday card from any of them. =(

I love receiving cards, let say postcards, birthday cards, greeting cards, anything. So I finally got the card, and it really made my day. En plus, I really loved the quotes written in the card. I realize that only someone who understands myself well can choose this phrase for me.  So thank you so much Mele! This card is now standing nicely next to my laptop. When days are tough, I always look at it and reread the phrase, especially in the day like today - I did my interview last week and the company said they will inform me today, but there was no call from them. I am still hoping. =)

"Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." - Philippians 4:6

Mes camarads

Vous me mangez!

les habitudes nouvelles

Alors, j'ai plusieurs habitudes et choses nouvelles dans ma vie. Je les liste pour moi seule donc quand je serai veille, je pourrai les lire et les mettrai un sourire chez moi. 

• J'adore les fromages (mimolette, camembert, rustique, brebis, gouda, édam, babybel, raclette, emmental, la vache qui rit, brie, mozzarella, , roquefort, etc)!
• baguette, fromage et jambon (+tomate, salade, sauce saumurai, poivre noir, cornichons) est le plus délicieux sandwich;
• un grand café con lait ou cappuccino est obligatoire pendant le matin;
• une dessert est essentiel après les repas (mousse chocolat, crémé dessert,yaourt, fruits, jus d'orange, chocolat au lait) ;
• le kaki est mon nouveau fruit favorite;
• la figue est pas mal aussi;
• le yaourt plain avec la confiture/les céréales/les fruits - être santé;
• piment est très piquant;
• le paprika est dans ma liste des légumes;
• barre céréalière est mon snack en ce moment; 
• une salade est devenu un plat complet (avec le fromage du brebis);
• le fromage du brebis plus la tomate est toujours un couple;
• faire du cuisine est un des mes activités favorites;
• vais à la marché traditionnelle en samedi matin est une activité intéressant;
• jamais dis non quand mes amies m'invitent aller au supermarché;
• Youtube est mon nouveau ligne du télé;
• prends les vitamines souvent;
• je suis vraiment intéressée au soin de la peau et des maquillages ( je suis une jeune femme =P)
• fais attention à moi seule plus qu'avant (cheveux, corps, visage, peau);
• être bien-habillée est vraiment nécessaire tous les temps (veste, pantalon, chaussures) - même si on n'a que un cour;
• mes mains ne sont pas survivre à l'eau ou le climat froid;
• les bottes avec talon, l'escarpin et le manteaux sont mon habillement quotidienne;
• ne peut pas dormir sans porter des chaussettes, même si pendant l'été;
• intéressée à la politique de mon pays;
• l'accent britannique est géniale!

Voila, c'est tout!

BB3

I always say to myself that people grow up.  When people grow up, does it mean they change? Literally yes, but it's not exactly the same like when people change intendedly.  Nobody can stay as he/se used to be for such a long time. Even if yes, it means something is wrong with them.  Sometimes I miss some friends as they grow up and then grow apart. We are no longer in the same interest, no longer in the same habits, no monger in the same situation.  When it happens, especially to some people that I hope we never grow apart, I am sad.  I miss our stupid and silly conversation and the no-hesitation-feeling of contacting each other eventhough we have nothing important to say.  I said once, "as people change, most of the time they are also away from your life".  

I remembered when i left my country in Sept 2012, my friend said to me, 'don't be a different person after living in France'. What she meant is 'do not turn into a stranger that she doesn't know anymore just because you live abroad, you have higher educatin, you have different friends and environment'. I always remember what she said. She is my best friend and i know she says the truth, always.

2013

2010

So do I change, after 1,5 years? I don't, but I grow up, in which I think create a 'me' of the moment, from the psychological view, surviving level in life, appreciation to life and people and point of view of many abstract things.
In fact, most of the time, I have hesitation to answer when people ask me about how my life has been. I am afraid of them thinking that I am showing off. Okay, I shouldn't care about what others think about me. But I am on the process and it's not that easy though.  Plus, I have in mind that it's enough that people who care about me know that I am fine and happy with what I have and achieve so far. They know me the most and I think they are the ones who deserve to be informed about myself in deep. Let's say, my best friends, they said they are proud of me, and they are very happy for me because I do deserve it after all the effort. When they say that, It's another quote I keep in mind to remind myself that I am blessed to have all I have and to have them reminding me of what I have. I know they are the bestest friends in life, to whom i would never have to hide, lie or pretend.

And yes, the last time I met them, one and half month ago, they agreed with me saying that I do grow up and I don't change to a bitch. :p

J'aime l'automne

Agée de 25 ans

Days ago was my 25th birthday and yes, once again, I celebreated it in France. I didn't throw party with fellas on that day, but I did celebrate the process of being 25.  

I was not expecting anything special for the birthday. No cakes, a single bday card ( Mele said she'll send me one), no birthday song.  Sad? Not all. On that day I thought a lot about my life, about what I had been through, the decision I took, the people I have around me, and many more. I was happy to have my friends and family sending me birthday wishes, especially my family and best friends.  

Several days before the birthday, I was thinking about the age of 25. I did type on Google about 'being 25', 'what should I do at the age of 25', 'how does it feel to be 25'.  I really did that. =D.. You might think that I was being too sentimental, and I was not ready to be 25. It wasn't the reason. For me, I wanted to find out about my self better after living for 25 years. I wanna know if I've been doing well with my life, if I've been doing what I like, if I have any regret so far, etc. It's not easy to really know yourself, at least in my case. So I sometimes need someone else to tell me about my self or simply by reading someone's idea of something through his/her blog/articles and agree with them about some ideas that also happen to you. 

I found several interesting articles about how you might psychologically feel when you are at certain age, what might comes to your mind, and how to deal with it. I don't have psychological issue or being understressed or whatsoever, It's just nice to have some nice articles to read about what will happen at certain time in your life, and to know that you're on the right track. That I have same worries as others do, same expectations as others, same questions as others and same curiosity about future as well.  

Indeed, my birthday was more on a reflection time for myself. It was a very meaningful one for me. I am not saying I am too old for parties and beers, etc., but why should I grabbed beers if that was not what I really wanted for that day? I learn that being an adult means knowing what you really want in life, starting from the simplest thing. And I did have my beer by the weekend.=)

I am 25 and several days now, and I am happy about it. I have been receiving a lot of blessings in my life, and I believe it goes on.  I am happy to be who I am now and to do what I am doing right now. I have doubts and fear of future but I know that present is always only once in a life time, let's enjoy it.

I made my birthday wishes and I believe wishes coming true. 

p.s: surprisingly, I received some gifts from my friends here. It really made my day. Thanks to you!

Being a student

I'm in the multiculturalism of United kingdom class now. I'm not that interested to the topic but i like the teacher a lot, especially for his British accent. His accent is so elegant and favorable to listen to.  I have been studying American english, its pronunciation and its slang words for ages, but British accent is always special. This is another reason why I really want to go to London and hear this British accent everywhere there. *fingers crossed*

In the mean time, I have been thinking about my situation. Okay, I admit, I think too much, but it's something that comes to mind spontaneously, how could I avoid it?  I will have my lectures until third week of December and then exams until first week of January.  That's very soon! The studying period according to French system is shorter than the one in Indonesia.  Plus, there are always holidays on every 2 months here.  At first, I was surprised, but now I do enjoy it so much, the break. :).

Since I am going to finish my 'being a student' period, I have this awkward feeling deep in my heart.  It's between the feeling of missing this moment of sitting in the class and listening to the teacher.  The flawless conversation, jokes and debates within classmates, mocking up the other's countries of our friends, multiculturalism environment in and outside the class, all very open discussion related to the topic.  At first, I thought that this daily debates and discussion among us and the teacher in class is normal for western students. But when we had classes with other students, from other master major, with the French students, it was so different.  They tend to be very passive in class, and do not really respond to any questions or informations said by the teacher.  Then I realized that I have been very lucky to be registered in this batch and have those as my classmates.  There are some reasons behind that flawless debates, first, we don't have any language barrier among us, so it really builds up the good atmosphere in the class.  Second, we know each other quite well and we know that none of this discussion will be taken into serious consideration eventhough we're mocking up at other's countries issues, as we discuss a lot about the worldwide economic situation nowadays. Moreover, we are very multicultural, that we are 25 students coming from 17 nationalities and 4 continents. So you can imagine how dynamic the situation is in the class.  People from different countries ranging from 23 to 35 years old with different educational and working background gather in a place and discuss one topic. It's probably something I won't find anywhere else.

I don't miss the time being under pressure for having not enough time to read all those articles before the exams or classes. For all the time I have to set aside sitting in front of my laptop trying to get the ideas to be discussed in my papers.  No, I don't miss the time of studying the subjects i don't like, but I will miss the time of acquiring broad knowledge of many different issues nowadays in many different countries.

I do miss working on daily basis now, but I know these moments of being a student in France of this major, is very special for me and it helps me to shape my way of thinking of many different issues.  I will have the busiest months from now on 'til end of December, with 4 presentations and 4 papers to go, but I will do my best as the last effort of being a master student.

our castle

Our castle is the best place for us in this world. You find your comforst, your happiness, your accompany, your lover, your cleaning lady, your driver, your books, your comfy pillow and bed, your gadgets, your tiramisu, your home-cooked meal, your credit card, your shower bathtub, your parfum, and everything you might not even realize that those items perfect your castle.  

It's so comfortable that we can hardly leave our castle. Why should I leave if I'm on my most convenient place?  No, you don't have too, unless you wanna find out that there are amazing people out there with their amazing stories. My neighbour said there are amazing places and their daily life.  My childhood friend said there are unthinkable values you will ever find among your cleaning lady and your driver.  It is written in a book "there are thousand of ways to survive in life" that you never thought about.  Quote of the day says "There are millions of stars at night that you can see when you sleep in nature".  The bookshop keeper told me that there are titles of books I have never known before.  My twitter follower mentioned to me "There are millions of beautiful language you don't speak". And my heart says "There are numerous things I wanna try and moments I wanna enjoy as this life is too short".  There are everything in this world worth to do, hear, read, see, feel and experience before you decide that you are on your best moment.  

Go out of your castle and you'll be amazed on what you'll find! Share to those who keeps on guarding their castle, not about how amazing the outside is, they can watch it on tv though.  Share how great the feeling is to be outside and how valuable the memories you have with great people out there who you might only meet once and never again.

#miss my little heaven

being 24 for the last time

In couple of hours I am moving on from 24 to 25. So I dedicate few hours left to remember what I have been through for a whole year of being 24. I crossed some points from my dream list already!

- have my French laptop

- see snow for the first time (incl. having my boots (now I have 3) and coats for the first time)

- pass by in Riyadh and Jeddah (so happy I did this)

- start my blog

- know the smell of canabis (and I hate it)

- visit my best friend in Sicily and be with her during her pregnancy

- survive in France (with its vicious-circle paperwork)

- finish my first year of Master

- do my internship in France

- speak French (not that good yet)

- in love with Vienna (and definitely will return there)

- within France, I love Lyon the most

- back to my little heaven (after 4 years of dreaming, praying, hoping and wishing on every bday)

- hitch hiking

- celebrate my sisters' wedding (two in a year)

- spend time with my mom and dad (for real)

- sleep in my bedroom in hometown again after years

- meet my old schoolmate (we haven't seen each other for 7 years)

- celebrate Kir's wedding (we're best friend since we're 13)

- gather with the 'destiny' girls

- go to Hongkong and meet my Tz friends from 4 years ago

- get used to travelling for long hours

- chatting with my mom (she is so into technology now!)

- travel to places I'd never thought I would ever go

- ...

The three best of all, first, I understand myself better than a year ago. I start to have some clues of what I want for my life. There were many times that I had to decide things by myself, and I did it even with a huge hesitation everytime I have to do it. I used to be in the middle of the road. Well, I am still there, but I have a better me who is ready to face it. 

Second, i know who my real friends are. I don't bother meeting people just for a sake of networking. I meet the people I talk with wherever I am during the good and bad times.

And the most important part, I understand, realize, feel, respect the time of being with my family and be part of them, for real.  This is something I appreciate the most.

I thank You, God, for being the one realizing and teahing me all of these during my 24 yo. I am fully blessed for being who I am. I do complain, I do feel sad, I do feel annoyed, I do feel lonely but I do feel happy and excited about my life. Okay, being 25 is not young anymore, with more expectations from other, more responsibility, more decision to make plus I should start with my anti-aging cream already, but I will enjoy it.

happy birthday to me, soon!

Some wishes for 25: finish my master, start my career, and be with the one I am happy with.

p.s: One day I read a sentence "How if you had already achieved your dreams, will you have anything left for your life?" This stucks on my head for years. Now, I know the answer. For me, dreaming is a never ending story.  You will achieve your dream, you will grow up, you will forget yout previous ambitions, you will create another dream and you will adjust to it.

... 12 oct 2013

My first several days back to this city and life here were not easy at all. I felt lonely and, again, questioned myself "why am I here?" Yeah, I didn't find it easy to be back to this student-life in France and to stand by myself, especially after several weeks of travelling and being home with my mom and dad.

I started to watch random videos on youtube, simply to get some sounds accompanying me while doing something else. I started to play stupid games on my laptop, read tons of books, etc. Those helped letting the time passed though, but I knew I didn't want to spend my time of those temporary entertaining items.  I started to overcome this loneliness and post-holdaiy syndrome.  First time is to keep on reminding myself that this semester is the last semester I am sitting in the class as a student, as next semester will be different. I am excited about it. 

Things were getting better day by day, I chatted with my friends in Indonesia. I don't have that much friends I can talk with, but I know and feel so blessed that I have my best friends I can always talk with anytime.  They are far away. I got one in Australia and the rest are spreaded over Indonesia. But, as long as we feel that we are friends inside out hearts, the we will always be friends. 

and last night was one of my best nights in the city. Wwe had the new semester party in Ale's new appartment, which was super fun.  We drank, we laughed, we talked, we shared stories, and we ended up with lots of bottles of wines and its friends.  Good wine, good friends, good time.

Now, I am ready to be back to school with them and pass this semester together.

welcoming my 2nd brother-in-law

7th Sept was a date that I've markedever since as it's a very special day for my beloved sister. Yes, we welcome another new member of the family.  For me, it's once again, a chance to gather with my family.  I have been waiting since January, to witness my sister to get into her new life. 

So we were so busy and extremely engaged to all the ceremonial wedding that I didn't even eat during the party. One remark about that day, there was a misunderstanding between my sister and her hair stylist and it was ruining her mood a bit.  I tried to settle everything down eventhough I am not an expert at all, simply because I didn't want to see her being not happy on her wedding day. The idea of having this special day is to be happy and enjoy it, not about to make everything perfect while you don't really feel the happiness and joy of the day.  Everything was solved at the end, and i would have never mentioned this issue anymore to anyone in the family.  It was a special day and nobody shall give space for stupid bad memory of that day.

I met so many people at the party that I knew. It was really nice to be in the party where you belong to, and I felt that way.  I was so happy to talk with elders, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends and relatives.  I was happy that I really understand that It was not the dress that I cared so much for that special day. Fyi, I got my dress just several days before the D-day.  It was not an expensive dress at all but I felt very comfortable wearing it, as simple as I wanted, and everybody said it fitted me perfectly. So I know I wore the perfect dress for that day. =)

One funny (but also starting to be annoying) thing is the question that people asked me during the party. "So, when is your turn (to get married)?"  It was a nice and simple question, and I was not annoyed by that. But when the same question was being asked from everyone you met that night, okay, it started to annoy me. I didn't want it to ruin my mood, and I kept on answering "SOON".  With who? have no idea, as I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment.  But who cares, I do believe that love is a feeling I well have with the right person at the right time, and he is somewhere out there. I remember one of my friends kept on asking me "where is your bf?" and I used to answer, "oh, maybe he was in Antartica, trying to get me a penguin". lol

p.s: I shared this story to my western friends, and their reactions really made my day "what the f*ck they asked you whether you're getting married or not". 

See, it's always about how you see something from different point of view. Someone may annoy you so much with his writing on one side of a paper, then you flip it and you'll see nothing. 

Hitch-hiking

During Toussaints holiday, we went to Château de Chenonceau, not so far from Orléans. It was a very fun day. The weather was nice, and we're adventuring a little bit. So we only bought one-way ticket just to keep our plan opened. After visiting the château, we wanted to go to Tours, but the train was in 2 hours, and we missed the bus already. We asked all the private-bus drivers if they could take us with them, and they said no, as they were all private bus booked by tourists.  One of the bus driver said to us that he was going to Tours, but his passengers would not be happy to have foreigners - us - with them along the return trip.

We were thinking to return to Orléans, but the train to Orléans was also in 2 hours. So I came up with the idea of hitch-hiking. =D.. It was not easy because we're four, it means we had to find somebody who was driving alone to Tours during the weekday at working hours.   It was very funny for us. Among four of us, it was only me who had ever done it. There were a lot of cars starring at us because it's kinda impossible to get a lift for 4 persons.  We're looking at all cars which were passing by. And whenever there was a car with only one person inside, we all felt so excited and saud 'perfect target'. But, most of them were looking at us and show the '4' fingers to us. Yes, we're four, and that's a lot.  Good news, a French lady was on her way to work in Tours and she was alone! Perfect! We're so happy to finally get a lift and yes, we also explored Tours that day. =)

what should I do (next)?

I could hardly sleep for the last several nights.  I am under stressed now.  No, you won't see it on my face nor on my daily acts. I am an expert in hiding my true feelings.  I have thousand things running on my head and it never stop even when I really wish thel to stop, simply to get a bit of rest. 

One question, what should I do next?

It's end of October now, which means I am so close to the deadline to make decision for my life.  Do I sound like exaggerattingsimple thing? It's a big thing for me. I am not a person who can enjoy her life without making any progress to get closer to start stepping on the future. 

Some options available:

a. go home, start up my career in business development with lowest salary ever, and say au revoir to France and Europe

b. stay in France and not knowing if I can find a good internship, I mean, the one in the business development field, as I always want

c. start my own event organizer business in my hometown

d. find a job based on the salary with no interest at all

Okay, options a and b are running my head without a break. I hate being in a situation that I don't even know where I will be in the next two months.  Option c is my other dream that I might do it if I decided to live with my parents. and option d, ahh forget it. That's the last thing I will do in my 25-year-old age.

It does not seem like I will find my answer anytime soon. Writing helps me a lot to relieve my pain and random debates on my head. I am writing not to complain and let people read my pain. As i said, this is a memory that I have ever been in such situation that will make me stronger the next time I reread it. 

Anw, there is a multinational company who offered me a very good intership in Indonesia by the beginning of this year, and again now. I don't know how to respond. There are part of me who wants to stay in France for a bit longer, other wants to start my career soon back home.

Taking chances is rarely about overcoming your fears. The truth is everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you are always glad you took it. - annonymous- 

my little heaven

It's been a very long time since my latest post on July 12, and there are a thousand thing happen to me since then. I re-read my previous post on July 1 about my entire plan 'til end of August, and it's such an undescribale feeling to read them all. Most of the plans went as I planned, but not all of them. Well, I don't want to remind myself how annoying it was when things didn't go as it have been planned. So forget about it! 

Taizé, summer 2013

The best thing is I went to my little heaven for 5 weeks, and it was so amazing. I met a lot of amazing friends there, and yes we all agree that no words and nobody can really express the feeling of being there unless you experience it yourself. It was my second time being in my little heaven, and it's definitely not my last time.  

It was so hard to leave the little heaven.  But I know I got all the experience that I would never forget, and it will help creating the better me.  

I travelled around middle Europe, Budapest, Vienna and Prague, with a friend for about a week, and I found out that Vienna is so amazing! It is now my favorite city in all Europe so far.  Then I went home on the Aug 29 and it was the best feeling ever to arrive at Soekarno-Hatta airport, even it was midnight time, and my sister was somewhere I didn't know, and I didn't have the Indonesian mobile number, plus I thought I almost faint after 24hrs journey.

About the time I spent ome, it was so precious. It was a time of reflection for myself, and for what I am looking for my future as a woman, as a person, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, and as who I want to be.  *to be continued

Paris to Orléans

and another year...
So I 'm back to Orléans by myself, just like the very first time.  I don't understand, but since I arrived at the CDG airport this morning, all my positive thinking started to fade away.  When I was home, I was very positive about everything. I didn't worry about what's gonna happen next. I didn't even try to find out what I might have to face once I arrive. But now, it's really the opposite.

I start to worry about my staying permit, the new housing engagement, the study, like everything becomes miserable.  It's really me who suddenly change and be worry about all unclear things.  I actually wonder, the first time I arrived last year, I was not this worry.  But why now, when I have been living in the country for a year, I am being worry more than the first time. Weird.  I should overcome this feeling as I know He takes care of me.

I heart VIE

We also visited Vienna, a beautifully elegant city. I love the city so much. Everything is much more expensive that the other two cities, just like in Paris, but the city is really worth to visit. For me, it's not the old building or the orchestra that amazes me, but the environment while I was there. The city is modern and the people are mostly very elegant during the day and night. There are many cafes in small street which are all beautiful. One night, I went to a quartier, and there was a guy playing cello. he was a street musician, i guess. But he really doesn.t look like one. I would prefer to say that he is a musician who wants to practice while entertaining people.  The music he produced was really a high class one. Something you'd expect when you are in Opera house. I enjoyed it so much. I fell in love with the city since that moment. Where can you walk around and listen to amazingly beautiful play and then stop by in one of the small cafes insteadof in Vienna?

During the day, it was also amazing. The main road was very nice, and everything looks so expensive but once again, worth to visit. The buildings are all beautiful like in Paris, in addition, the systems, the transportation, the arrangement of benches in the street, etc., all are like in Germany, very well-arranged.  Imagine a mixture of Parisian old buildings, the German modern system and the elegant people of tourists and locals, that's Europe for me. I will revisit the city, with my special one, someday.

  

Budapest et Praha

The road trip to middle Europe was quite surprising. First, I was surprised about the city of Budapest. The city was beautiful and nice, but I was surprised that It was pretty small and not crowded at all. Okay maybe I get used to live in Jakarta, with more than 17millions of people for years. But in my mind, the cities in Europe, without exception, are all crowded, modern and alive. That's why I was so surprised to find that some cities, eventhought they are capital cities, are pretty small and quiet, such as Budapest and Prague.

I like Budapest, it doesn't feel like it is part of Europe. It is very different, from the number of people, the buildings, the transportation, the speed of people during rush hour, etc. I had never could really understand what does it mean 'under Soviet Union regime' until I see it there. I saw so many remarks of how the SU had been very powerful in the past.  From the type of people, the old transportation vehicles, etc.  I went to the traditional market and expect nothing than paprika. Yes, they eat paprika a lot, even on their dessert. The food was more tasty and the goulash was very delicious.

I like the area of the castle, a bit at the top of the city. It was very nice there, and the area are just great. One remark about Budapest is the guys are averagely handsome. I even ask Sarolta, how could she have a French boyfriend instead of those good-looking Hungarian? Ahh and one more, one of their popular souvenirs is the fat policeman. The story is that the city is very safe that their policemen were all becoming very fat. =D

Prague was another small but nice cit to visit. The main spots are the Charles bridge and the palace. Don't expect the big palace like in the movie, it was pretty small in fact. The area is big but it consists of churches, restaurant, etc. But walking down from the palace to the main street was another experience to enjoy the city. The astronomical clock was not as special as I thought, but the area was the main tourism spot, so we found lots of local foods there.  The jewish area was interesting for me. Honestly, I never really know what is Jewish, because in Indonesia, It's not legally recognized so I never learn about it in school. I don't remember exactly, but there was a place where our tour guide told us about how the kids were kidnapped to be part of them at that time and they expressed their feeling at that time by drawing.  

Ahh there was also a statue of 'dementor', exactly like in the harry potter movie. Maybe J.K. Rowling got the inspiration from that statue. There was also a quartier, in which one side is the hotel owned by the american, and the other side is the cubiczl building used to belong to the jewish. They said that Hitler loves Prague so much that he allows the Jewish area not to be demolished there, not like in other area. Good job! That's how the history should be learned by the young generations. 

Another story is the St. Anne church. In the past, everything in the church were made from gold, and the church was also open for anyone, without being guarded. Then one day, a guy came to steal the crown of St. Anne, but his hand was being hold by the statue of St. Anne and he couldn't move his hand at all. Then the next day, the priest saw what happened and nobody could help him. They were planning to bring a big saw to cut the hand. The thief was thinking that it was the hand of the statue that would be cut off. But the priest said 'no, it's you who come to this place and intend to take what is not yours. It has nothing to do with the statue.' So at the end, his hand was being cut off, and it was still hanging there, as a lesson for other people. And the guy was working in the church as a mean of apology.  I saw the very small hand there near the statue. I don't know whether the story was true or not, but for me, the lesson is more important.